Happy without happiness

When I was younger, I used to wonder what I wanted to do with my life and above all, one thing was certain; I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to wake up every morning with a smile on my face and the urge to jump out of bed and dance. All that seemed to matter was happiness because I didn't have a whole lot of sunny days. It used to constantly feel as if my life was a storm that I had caused myself.

Now, years later as I am about to embark on a whole new journey I found myself wondering what I wanted to do with my life and I realized,I dont want to be JUST happy. I dont want every day to go right, to go my way. I want trouble, I want pain, I want sadness and I want a reason to cry. I want to be angry,I want to be a rainbow of feelings.

I dont want to be just happy because I have learned if I did not have my heart broken, I would not know the value of love. If I had not been betrayed, I would not have learned to cherish people who have given me every reason to trust them. If I had not known tears, I would not know that things always get better.

The truth is, I do not want happiness to be my destination, I want it to be a part of my life. I want to find happiness on even the bad days when I want to cry. I want to know all the seasons of emotions because I do not want my life to be the same old, repeated song for as long as I live.

I want to smile on the sunny and the rainy days. I dont need happiness to be the reason why I am happy.