Heavy

Does your heart ever feel heavy without compare? As if, there are days when you find your face drenched in tears and you want more than anything to make them stop. You find yourself trying to read a book, watch a movie or go for a walk. Somehow you become desperate to try anything that will take your mind off of things - if only for a minute. You find your heart aching for an escape but also feeling helpless like a little kid trapped in a big kids body. You might even feel trapped and imagining a screen in front of you that keeps replaying the same thing over and over again. You  might find yourself wanting to look away, wanting to make it all stop but not knowing how. You just can not seem to get the strength to get up and walk away. You just sit there, watching a disaster on repeat, you think of all the things that went wrong, you think of all the possible solutions and no matter how hard you try for it not to, its all that encompasses your mind. 

You could be an adult but in that moment, you feel like a little child who just wants to cry and cry and cry. 

Then suddenly, after what may seem like an hour or an array of hours you feel yourself jolted awake. You know the tears are still rolling down but at this point, they do not even seem like your own. You gasp for breath and you remind yourself that you are an adult who has to fight for yourself alone. You remind yourself of all the battles you have fought and won. You remind yourself of how this is just another bump in the road and not nearly as bad as what you may have faced in the past. You shake your head, you brush yourself off and you go about your life.

But you know what?

You can be 20, 40 or even 60 but still be a child deep inside. 

You know what children want when they are afraid? 

They want someone to hold them while they cry and tell them they will be okay even if its just another lie.

You can take your mind off of your troubles and tell yourself you are fine but how long can you go when you walk around with a heavy heart?