Goin' anywhere

"Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train, goin' anywhere."

Sometimes I wake up in the dead of the night, shaking and shivering as if I have just escaped from a horrendous nightmare and I go stand in my balcony as if that is my only shelter from the storm that rages on inside my mind. There are some, rare nights when I can see the the railway tracks be illuminated by the passing of a train. I have never tried to find out where that train comes from or goes, all I know is, some nights I want to be on that train. Some nights, I want to run out of my house and jump on that train, going where ever it may take me. Some nights, I want to escape this town and find a new adventure.

As tempting as those nights are, escaping just isn't an option, is it?

Every where I look, I see my friends fussing and fretting over university applications and I see posts on my news feed about university acceptances. I see people fitting the missing puzzles of their lives together. I see my friends getting engaged and finding love. I see people figuring out where they want to go, what careers they want to pursue. I see happy people everywhere and I know, there is so much more behind their smiles, that their life is not as perfect as it seems to be but for someone who has nothing figured out, its hard to realize that there it isnt all just black and white.

I don't know where I am applying, I don't know what I am going to do or how to do it. I had dreams and ambitions and it feels like they've all crumbled into a million pieces and all the glue in the world could not help put those pieces back together. It feels like in a world of color, I am the only gray area.

Don't we all feel like gray areas, though?

Doesn't it scare us all to think what will happen when one journey ends and we have no choice but to start another?
Don't you wonder what will happen after you finish school, college, university or start working?

Don't you wonder how you will manage to say goodbye?
Don't you wonder what the new people you will have to meet will be like?
Don't you wonder if you will make new friends?

Most of all, don't you wonder if you will be happy?

Of course you do. We all do. We are all just scared. We are scared of what the future may bring and so we put off making the big decisions and by the time we finally get some sense knocked into us, its too late to make those decisions.

It is scary to think one amazing journey will end and the next journey will not be nearly as amazing.

It is so scary to think that all the memories we are creating right now may just be the best we will ever have.

It is so tempting to get on that train and not have to to answer the "if's" "buts" and "why's"

But we wouldn't be happy on that train.

We wouldn't be content.

We would ache to be back home and try to piece together the broken bits of a life that makes no sense.

We have so much left for us here in this little town of ours and we cant leave until there is nothing holding us back.

Let me tell you a secret, one day this journey will end.

For some of us, its going to end in a matter of months.

Do not let your fear consume you.

Do not let your fear keep you from chasing after your dreams and making you lose interest in all that you are.

The possibilities are never ending. 

There is always going to be a new journey and as much we want to pause life and savor this beautiful moment with the most beautiful people we have ever met, we cant.

We cant pause, rewind or even fast forward.

We have to let life play out the way it is supposed to.

Make those decisions

.

Follow those dreams.

You never know what the future holds.