Believe

When I was in O-Olevels, I used to believe having a blog meant putting your words, your story and your darkest secrets out into the world like a message in a bottle. I suppose I felt like somehow, someway, someone would stumble across what I had to say and maybe, just maybe connect with me. Perhaps, I did believe in the power of my thoughts but throughout those years, I could not manage to keep up a blog. I would start one, post a random poem and then that was it. I lacked inspiration but still had the desire to go on.

It is 5am right now on May 5, 2014, two days before my first CIE and I have spent the last twelve hours slaving over the Russian Revolution and now that I have finally began studying the industrial revolution, my brain gas decided to drag me down memory lane.

I've began to recall my second and third year of OLevels during exam time when I so desperately wanted to accomplish something and thought the only real tool I possessed was my writing. I remember those summers after my CIEs of how I wanted to succeed with a popular blog and maybe an amateur novel before the next school year began but I did not succeed. Not then, at least.

It took me three years of dreaming and yearning to finally start a blog and based on the statistics of nearly 7K views here, I would say I did accomplish something. It took me time but eventually, I did make it and I can't help wonder if I had given up back then, maybe my life would have played out differently and I would not be half the person I am today.

I also remember spending much of O Levels and As as the sad girl who always had a reason to be upset but this year, this final year of A Levels, I have been happy and full of life. I have won over people and made beautiful friends because I let go of the dark cloud that constantly followed me and I let my smile shine.

Sometimes, it may not feel like it to me but I now do realize how far I have come and how I have truly prospered as a writer and as a person.

When it all comes down to it, I realize it is only because I did not stop believing in myself and now, I am about to give my CIEs for hopefully the last time and I need to find that belief again. Somehow, I've managed to hold onto some faith in me and I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe if I believe in myself I can conquer these exams.

Maybe that's all it takes; Maybe we just need to believe in ourselves.