The tumor inside of me
I am not a fighter. I find no comfort in aggregated verbal assaults slurred around. I am not a fighter, I would rather stand back than spoil my tongue. I am not a fighter but there burns a strange fire inside of me. It feels as if there is a tumor of feelings I can't comprehend that has latched on to every vital part of me. I feel as if no matter what organ I sacrifice, I will never be rid of it.
There are days when I want to drop everything and cry. I just want to cry and not worry about what tomorrow will hold. I want to slow down and just grieve. I want to break down just for a moment but that's never really an option these days, it seems. You're either strong or you're the depressed girl that no one wants to listen to for long. You either put a happy front or watch everyone grow tired of your sorrows.
I know it's not true. I know it's wrong to assume you can't cry a little in front of your loved ones but I also know what many of us do. It's that there will always come a time when peoples ear will grow tired sooner than the waters of your eyes.
I and probably many others out there know, when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and you feel like you are walking alone; A part of you starts keeping everything inside. A part of you wants to pretend to be strong and so it acts like nothing is wrong. It acts like all your fears and pain are not real. It acts like you have no right to be upset, to cry. You know what happens then?
You go about life feeding the tumor. You keep telling yourself you're not sick, there isn't something festering inside of you and when you least expect it, it begins destroying you. The easy part is pretending everything is okay. The hard part? Accepting that maybe, just maybe you are not all right.
There are days when I want to drop everything and cry. I just want to cry and not worry about what tomorrow will hold. I want to slow down and just grieve. I want to break down just for a moment but that's never really an option these days, it seems. You're either strong or you're the depressed girl that no one wants to listen to for long. You either put a happy front or watch everyone grow tired of your sorrows.
I know it's not true. I know it's wrong to assume you can't cry a little in front of your loved ones but I also know what many of us do. It's that there will always come a time when peoples ear will grow tired sooner than the waters of your eyes.
I and probably many others out there know, when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and you feel like you are walking alone; A part of you starts keeping everything inside. A part of you wants to pretend to be strong and so it acts like nothing is wrong. It acts like all your fears and pain are not real. It acts like you have no right to be upset, to cry. You know what happens then?
You go about life feeding the tumor. You keep telling yourself you're not sick, there isn't something festering inside of you and when you least expect it, it begins destroying you. The easy part is pretending everything is okay. The hard part? Accepting that maybe, just maybe you are not all right.
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