The midnight train

I have always been fascinated by the idea of jumping on a moving train at midnight. I guess, I have always dreamt of running away. I just, I suppose I never truly knew what it was that I wanted to run from. I might have convinced myself that I was sick of my life, the people around me or the overall pain of it all. It wasn't until I was older that I realized, I really wanted to run away from myself.

I have spent hours looking up small towns in Greece where I'd like to spend my days. I have spent weeks trying to figure out how and when I'd leave. I have spent months mapping it all out. I have spent years dreaming of my sweet escape.

It's funny, isn't it? To come up with elabaorte schemes to get away from something, only to realize what you're running away from is you. I know, I know it sounds strange but it feels even stranger. Can you imagine realizing that whenever you dreamt of a fresh start, it was failed from the beginning? Can you imagine finding out that whenever you wanted to be someone new, it was built on the foundation that you were disgusted by who you already were. It was built on realizing that you couldn't stand the person that you were and you wanted to be someone else.

And I guess the worst part of it all is that you can get away from the people in your life but for how long can you get away from yourself? You can remove toxic people and situations but how can you remove yourself from you?

I've always wanted to take the midnight train and only now do I realize, it was because I wanted to run away from myself.