A not so blue April - Day 1

A few years ago I began to perceive April as a symbol of sadness and pain. I ended up wanting to hide away on even the most beautiful of days. As silly as it may sound, I suppose I just made myself associate April with negativity.

I have decided that needs to stop. You know, sometimes the first step to rise out of the ashes is by deciding to do so. That is what I have decided that I will try to associate every April day this year with something positive. Who knows, maybe someone reading this may be inspired to do the same.

After all, resolutions aren't just for New Years.

In the last few days, I had found myself stressed out of mind because my mocks and how CIEs were just around the corner. I had found myself spending time doing idle tasks instead of studying because I couldn't manage to get myself in the right mindset. Though, I did manage to study bits and pieces but all that was to no avail when the day of my mock arrived and I was far too frustrated to focus on my question paper.

What changed?

Yesterday, after I finishes my mock, I had went to the College lobby and I saw one of my teachers sitting there. As exasperated as I was, I had managed to ask while stuttering if I could sit with her. I ended up telling my teacher how stressed I was, how I couldn't figure out what to do. Throughout the year I had not been close to this teacher but once I had finally let it all out, I was filled with relief. It felt liberating to have someone listen and give me advice for a change. As I told her all the things that were bothering me, I could feel the knots on my shoulders loosen. It wasn't as if she had solved my problems, it was just nice to know someone cared.

I have a mock exam tomorrow and I find it thrilling because of that conversation with my teacher, I was motivated to study and I did spend much of the day with my books instead of my phone. I ended up feeling stress free today for a change and I can honestly say I'm excited for tomorrows mock.

Maybe its not a so blue April after all.